Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.
My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.
She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.
She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.
She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her make content.
I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.
She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.
I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.
I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.
I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.
Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.
I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.
I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.
I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.
This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.
Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?
Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25
When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26
Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27
It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53
Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71
In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?
A ceramic artist specializing in sustainable pottery, blending traditional techniques with contemporary aesthetics to create functional art.
